Maybe one day I’ll elaborate
I have so much I could say. My life is such a whirlwind right now. It’s exciting. I feel more alive – and eager to live – than I have in a very long time.
I have so many drafts saved on this blog of thoughts and words I’ll maybe never dare to publish here. I wish I had the courage to be more open in this blog and tell you about the new people who have come into my life lately. And about the other people who I’ve chosen to cut out of my life because they made me feel like I was worthless. And I don’t do worthless anymore.
If I had the courage, I’d elaborate on the interesting conversations I had late into the night on Friday as I grabbed a couple of beers with a new acquaintance. Or how wonderful it feels to finally (after 1.5 years at Uni) have found a group of girls in my class who I really enjoy hanging out with. I’d tell you about my workouts at the gym and the funny people I see and talk to there. And how some days I’ve felt so happy that I haven’t been able to refrain from smiling like a fool while sitting on the bus on my way home from school. And how my self-assurance has grown from the amazing experiences I’ve had, and the people I’ve met, this past month. I’d probably mention how I’ve confidently stood in front of my class and held two speeches recently without so much as a shiver in my voice. I’d maybe even muster up the courage to tell you that I still think about him, that it still hurts, but that I know what’s best for me. I know how I deserve to be treated and for that reason I will accept he is still on my mind, but know that he is not worth my time. I know that there is someone else out there who will treat me like I am worth everything.
And I’d say that it’s all these contrasts in my life that remind me that I’m alive.